hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
