Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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