I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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