idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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