Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
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