so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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