I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
