NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
