I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
