I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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