These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
