Your dad touched me again.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
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Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
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I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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