We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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