HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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