I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
