It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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