just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
