U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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