i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
