Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Ladies don't puke and tell
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
