Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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