she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
