You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
