I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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