im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
