I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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