Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
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does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize