today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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