well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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