what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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