she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize