Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
