When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize