I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
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You need a sexual gate keeper
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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