When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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