It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
