If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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