I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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