He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
