OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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