She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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