All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
