I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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