There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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