She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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