sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
