I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
