It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
