the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
