I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
