I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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