Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
