She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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