On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
