Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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