found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
This house was built for laser tag.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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