At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
