i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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