If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
