i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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