I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
