just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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