What a fucking waste of an outfit
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize