i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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