wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
