My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
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yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
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this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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