This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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