god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
