This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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