Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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