Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
There's always time for handjobs
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
