just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
