i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
