Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
