God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
