Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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